Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I Get E-Mail!

It's ok, the FBI is on the job, and given me their approval to send six hundred bucks to this fellow in Nigeria, as this is definitely not a scam or terrorist plot. Wow, what excellent news, I could really use this money!

FROM: "washington.fieldic.fbi.gov"
SUBJECT: FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON DC

Anti-Terrorist And Monetary Crimes Division
FBI Headquarters In Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building

935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

Attn: Beneficiary,

This is to officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have
thoroughly completed an Investigation with the help of our Intelligence
Monitoring Network System that you legally won the sum of $800,000.00 USD from a
Lottery Company outside the United States of America. During our investigation
we discovered that your e-mail won the money from an Online Balloting System and
we have authorized this winning to be paid to you via a Certified Cashier's
Check.

Normally, it will take up to 10 business days for an International Check to be
cashed by your local bank. We have successfully notified this company on your
behalf that funds are to be drawn from a registered bank within the United
States of America so as to enable you cash the check instantly without any
delay, henceforth the stated amount of $800,000.00 USD has been deposited with
Bank of America.

We have completed this investigation and you are hereby approved to receive the
winning prize as we have verified the entire transaction to be Safe and 100%
risk free, due to the fact that the funds have been deposited at Bank Of America
you will be required to settle the following bills directly to the Lottery Agent
in-charge of this transaction whom is located in Lagos, Nigeria. According to
our discoveries, you were required to pay for the following -

(1) Deposit Fee's ( Fee's paid by the company for the deposit into an
American Bank which is - Bank Of America )
(2) Cashier's Check Conversion Fee ( Fee for converting the Wire Transfer
payment
into a Certified Cashier's Check )
(3) Shipping Fee's ( This is the charge for shipping the Cashier's
Check to your home address and this fee includes Insurance )

The total amount for everything is $600.00 (Six Hundred-US Dollars). We have
tried our possible best to indicate that this $600.00 should be deducted from
your winning prize but we found out that the funds have already been deposited
at Bank Of America and cannot be accessed by anyone apart from you the winner,
therefore you will be required to pay the required fee's to the Agent
in-charge of this transaction via Western Union Money Transfer Or Money Gram.

In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact the
agent in-charge (MR. SILAS OKORO) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find
appropriate contact information:


CONTACT AGENT NAME: MR. SILAS OKORO

E-MAIL ADDRESS: silasokoroincplc@gmail.com

Telephone Number: +234-803-862-0836

You will be required to e-mail him with the following information:

FULL NAME:
ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
ZIP CODE:
DIRECT CONTACT NUMBER:

You will also be required to request Western Union or Money Gram details on how
to send the required $600.00 in order to immediately ship your prize of
$800,000.00 USD via Certified Cashier's Check drawn from Bank Of America,
also include the following transaction code in order for him to immediately
identify this transaction: EA2948-910.

This letter will serve as proof that the Federal Bureau Of Investigation is
authorizing you to pay the required $600.00 ONLY to MR. SILAS OKORO via
information in which he shall send to you, if you do not receive your winning
prize of $800,000..00 we shall be held responsible for the loss and this shall
invite a penalty of $3,000 which will be made PAYABLE ONLY to you (The Winner).

Mr. Edward John

Special Agent.
Washington DC FBI.

Room, 7367
J. Edgar Hoover Building

935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW

Washington, D.C. 20535-0001



NOTE: In order to ensure your check gets delivered to you ASAP, you are advised
to immediately contact Mr.Silas Okoro via contact information provided above
and make the required payment of $600.00 to information in which he shall
provide to you

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I Get E-Mail!

I got this nifty communique from FBI headquarters, I'm sure, the other day. Other than hitting "Reply To", I have no clue how I am to contact these folks. Nor do I have any idea what they want! All I know is they are threatening me. ME!

The ALL CAPS gives me a headache, but then it changes to something normal. But not without the mispelings! One would think the college graduates at the FBI would know how to operate spell chezh!

FROM: fbi@fbigov.org.com Robert S. Mueller, III
SUBJECT: FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Website: http://www.fbi.gov/


ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY,
THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ADVICE FROM THE FBI FOREIGN REMITTANCE/TELEGRAPHIC DEPT., IT HAS COME TO OUR NOTICE THAT THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA DISTRICT HAS RELEASED 10,500,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY,BY INHERITANCE MEANS. THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE KNOW AS A SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT S.T.D.P TO PAY THIS FUND THROUGH WIRE TRANSFER,THEY USED THIS MEANS TO COMPLETE THE PAYMENT. THEY ARE STILL, WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION FROM YOU ON THE ALREADY TRANSFERRED FUNDS WHICH WAS MADE IN DIRECT TRANSFER SO THAT THEY CAN DO FINAL CREDITING TO YOUR ACCOUNT. SECRET DIPLOMATIC PAYMENTS ARE NOT MADE UNLESS THE FUNDS ARE RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES WHY MUST YOUR PAYMENT BE MADE IN SECRET TRANSFER , IF YOUR TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE,IF YOU ARE NOT A TERRORIST, THEN WHY DID YOU NOT RECEIVE THE MONEY DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT,THIS IS A PURE CODED ,MEANS OF PAYMENT?

RECORDS WHICH WE HAVE HAD WITH THIS METHOD OF PAYMENT IN THE PAST HAS ALWAYS BEEN RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTS, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE AS SOON AS THESE FUNDS REFLECT IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN THE U.S.A, SO IT IS OUR DUTY AS A WORD WIDE COMMISSION TO CORRECT THIS LITTLE PROBLEM BEFORE THIS FUND WILL BE CREDITED INTO YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

DUE TO THE INCREASED DIFFICULTY AND UNNECESSARY SCRUTINY BY THE AMERICAN AUTHORITIES WHEN FUNDS COME FROM OUTSIDE OF EUROPE, AND THE MIDDLE EAST, THE F.B.I BANK COMMISSION FOR EUROPE HAS STOPPED THE TRANSFER ON ITS WAY TO DELIVER PAYMENT OF $10,500,000.00 TO DEBIT YOUR RESERVE ACCOUNT AND PAY YOU THROUGH A SECURED DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT ACCOUNT (S.D.T.A). WE GOVERN AND OVERSEES FUNDS TRANSFER FOR THE WORLD BANK AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.

WE ADVICE YOU CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY,AS THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY ,UNTIL YOU CAN BE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH A DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER(DIST) WITHING 3 DAYS FROM THE WORLD LOCAL BANK THAT AUTHORIZE THE TRANSFER FROM WHERE THE FUNDS WAS TRANSFERRED FROM TO CERTIFY THAT THE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM NIGERIA ARE ANTITERRORIST/DRUG FREE OR WE SHALL HAVE CAUSE TO CROSS AND IMPOUND THE PAYMENT,WE SHALL RELEASE THE FUNDS IMMEEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involve,we want to make sure is a clean and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund are now in United State in your name , but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them , unless we ask them to do so, because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you.

Note that the fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and verifications from you before releasing the funds.

So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI Identification Record and also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money your about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don?t have it let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds the Bank Of America to go ahead Crediting your account immediately.

This Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you don?t have the document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document in United Kingdom U.K, because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by H.S.B.C Bank in London.An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST)often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service.THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL 16TH OF APRIL 2009 AFTER WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLING THE PAYMENT AND THEN CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVING FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA . GURANTEE: FUNDS WILL BE RELEASED ON CONFIRMATION OF THE DOCUMENT.

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FINAL INSTRUCTION: 60F CREDIT PAYMENT INSTRUCTION: IRREVOCABLE CREDIT GUARANTEE 61E BENEFICIARY HAS FULL POWER WHEN VALIDATION IS CLEARED 62 BENNEFICIARIES BANK IN U.S.A., CAN ONLY RELEASE FUNDS- 62 UPON CONFIRMATION FROM THE WORLD BANK/UNITED NATIONS. 64 BEARERS MUST CLEAR BANK PROTOCOL AND VALIDATION REQUEST

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NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety,welfare and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights.. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services(CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S.A.

An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country (i.e., Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history background, etc.)

FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

By the way, I checked the FBI website, they are aware of this little bit of heaven.





Friday, April 10, 2009

You Light Up My Year

A light-year is a measure of distance, people!

Heinlein made me think about it:
...had all been in that waterproof money belt Janet had given me so many light-years ago;...1
Did he mean distance? It was in Canada (sort of) that she received the belt, now she just climbed out of the Mississippi river. That's a far distance. Or does did he mean time? Because the phraseology would be consistent with an expression of time. In which case he is wrong. But, hey, it's Heinlein! He knows his stuff! I'm sure he meant distance!

But check this out:
Flash back!! Back to a moment of time so many light years ago.2
That is just not going to cut it. And from a dean at the University of New England, too!

For more information, check out the Light Year article at eSky.


Quote Sources

1 Heinlein, Robert A. Friday New York: Holt Rinehart Winston, c1982. pg. 174.
2 Dean Kelley. "University of New England - COM - RSAS - Newsletter - September 2007 - Page 1". [Online](10April2009). URL: http://www.une.edu/com/rsas/newsletter/sept07a.asp