Sunday, November 30, 2008

I Get E-Mail!

Another one. Senator Mr. Jerry wants me to show up in South Carolina to get my money, the amount of which is not specified. Not that I would ever go to South Carolina, nice as it might be, as I don't travel well. Heck, I couldn't bestir myself to travel across the street for a hundred bucks, I am just THAT slack!

From: "Senator Jerry Gana"
Subject: Final Settlement of Your Payment.
Date: Sat, 29 Nov 2008 11:21:14 -0800

Dear Contractor,

Following the meeting held with the Presidency on the issue of foreign contract payments, a consensus was reached with the Presidency about the activities of some officials of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) who are in the habit of diverting contractors payment and frustrating them by imposing unnecessary charges on them, making it difficult for these contractors to receive their long overdue payments. All the above allegations levelled against CBN consequently compelled the Presidency to stop the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) from further managing contractors payment.

This development has been reported to the Presidency, who expressed his dissatisfaction over these actions as those were ment to tarnish the image of our beloved country. The Presidency has therefore given instruction that all foreign contractors should henceforth, stop going through the CBN officials to pursue their contract claim. Any contractor going through the CBN is doing that at his or her own risk.

The Presidency after an in-depth and pain staking study of your financial and psychological predicament in receiving your fund in the last few years, hereby this day resolved that an immediate and unconditional payment release be effected to you via our Payment Centre in South Carolina, U.S.A.

This decision is based on memorandum of understanding, signed with the above mentioned, and we in our capacity as professionals, have been mandated and empowered by the Presidency to solely handle all foreign contractual payments and other external debt servicing exercise.
Do reconfirm your status, acceptability and willingness to be in South Carolina, U.S.A for your claim as per advised.

We urge you to co-operate with us in order to ensure a quick and final settlement of your payment.

We regret any inconveniences you may have experienced in the past while trying to receive your contract proceeds.

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Jerry Gana
Contract Review Panel

So which is it, "Senator", or "Mister", Jerry, eh? And the Nigerian Senate uses a Trinidad and Tobago e-mail host? Lame-O, Jerry, lame-oh! Or, to use a word that apparently no one else has ever used, MOBUS LAME-O!!

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